Apparently, I am going to write down what I feel at the moment.
I am sitting down my chair, in front of my desk and I just wished I did not do what I just did moments ago.

I feel a different throb in my heart.
I feel mad.
I feel confused.
I feel JEALOUS.
I feel perplexed.

Should i be happy I saw that? Should I be glad that you did that? Should I be okay with everything that reminds me of gah--- I just can't say the word to describe what I loathe at the moment. Mainly because we've already talked about this. Mainly because there is nothing I could fucking do. Mainly because there is no way I could turn back the time. Mainly because you wanted that, in the first place. Mainly because I don't really know. I am mad and I admit, it is my fault, I am hurt, you did what you have to do to then to hurt me now but what the hell? I just don't know what to feel. I resist on writing down what really is this that's bothering me because it will be too obvious and I know there is nothing to undo it so why bother say it? Augh. I am really confused. I don't know. I just can not... can never ever ever ever ever ever be genuinely happy. Sometimes, the word love, brings me to great depression. At times, I like it when you call me that. At times, I want to throw up. Not because I don't want to, in fact, I like it, but I don't know, I want to throw it back angrily at you. If only I could rip my heart out my chest, I would throw it to your face numerous times.
Apparently, it is not your fault. I just don't understand. I just don't accept. I want to kill. Her, her and her and her and her and why am I being too obvious again? We've talked about it, I know, but sometimes, you just can't ignore things. You seem to be okay with it for a while, but it hurts still. And you can never ever forget it. And when you do, it will only last for not more than an hour. Because facts are facts and fuck you. Fuck them. I am mad. I wish I did not see it. I wish I did not see that. I wish I just kept to my own goddamn profile. I wish I just did not scan... never mind. I am going too far. I am mad. That anger must be the one that overpowers me now, and I am genuinely sorry for letting it, but I am just so damn mad. Don't ever ever ever call me love anymore. Don't ever call me... shit. I should stop but my fingers just keep on pressing the tabs. I hate it, I hate you, I hate her. And her. And her. And her. And her. And her. And her. And her. And fuck me. I hate me, too, for liking you. I hate everything.
I go eat now. I hope her and her and the rest of the hers go to hell.
Thank you. And please accept my apologies for being mad at this moment.